So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
