Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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