Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
