Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
