You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
nutella sex= disaster
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
