he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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