WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
