I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
