so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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