I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
