Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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