he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
