he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize