I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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