how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
