shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
