alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
