I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
