Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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