There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
