What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
