you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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