Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize