when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
