We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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