i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When did angry sex become our thing?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize