Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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