There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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