You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
