I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
