are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Blood and glitter go together right?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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