she looked like the before picture.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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