You just made me feel so damn special
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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