He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
