well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
