You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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