i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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