I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
