My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize