did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
