Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
