dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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