holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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