Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
