we're blogging at a bar
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
