The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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