he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
