I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
