At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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