the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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