She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
