whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
