She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I faked an abortion last night.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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