do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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