you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
