My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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