i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
