After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
