i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize