My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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