Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
