you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
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