I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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