I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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