he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
