Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
