im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
