you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
