wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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