I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
