hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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