SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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