He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
