i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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