In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
