i think my mom watched the whole time
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
