Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
