Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
