too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
