You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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