you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
