just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
