after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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