just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
