there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
