i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
