You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
