sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
