I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
