could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
