This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
