I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
