you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
