and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize