I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Barsexuality is the new black.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
